Louie Armstrong and Blackberries

I’ve got a new station on Pandora tonight, and as I start to type, “What a Wonderful World” by Louie Armstrong begins. Perfect timing, I have to say. In addition to that, beside me I have the world’s largest blackberries apparently. I do enjoy blackberries. 🙂

What originally made me pull out the keyboard tonight, was that I had heard “Seasons in the Sun”. That song makes me stop everything, and play with Max, and I always cry. I guess I want to make the memories now, because there will be times when that song will come on. I don’t want to forget him, ever. Is that wrong of me? I guess I didn’t realize I was doing it until tonight. It really clicked as I listened to the words to the song. I feel morbid in ways, but I know… he’s not going to out live me. But he’s not gone yet, and that’s why I’m okay with the constant squeaking of the new ball I bought him earlier today. It really is starting to drive me nuts, but really.. he asks for so little in his dog life, I can put up with the constant squeaking until that gets broke. Because he won’t get another one for awhile. For this reason alone.

But … he’s like a puppy all over again. I can’t help but smile at the annoying sounds. I love that creature. He does not enjoy blackberries by the way.

I’ve gotten through a few more seasons of Hell’s Kitchen. I have to confess that I do have a favorite so far. Petrozza!

Continue reading “Louie Armstrong and Blackberries”

Hell’s Kitchen

Something that people don”t know about me, is I have a crush on Gordon Ramsey. This is something that developed before I moved to Utah, when I started watching Hell’s Kitchen in 2007. I really don’t put him on much anymore because the way Hell’s Kitchen started to go, started to really unimpress me.

Last night, I was looking through what was on the Roku channel and I found Hell’s Kitchen. 15 seasons. I thought what the hell, and I hit play on Season 1. Wow, was he brutal! Season 2 is on now. The difference between the two was unbelievable. But this was when it was good, before the networks started censoring the crap out of him.

Back before he became a big ole softy! But I do like him. I also liked him on Master Chef, when it first started. Him, Joe and Graham. I watched it the other day, and Joe’s this big ole marshmallow now. What the hell?

I don’t enjoy reality tv, I really don’t. But then I realize that what I have been watching over the last few months, is nothing but! Walking Dead’s coming back on in a few weeks, and I’ll actually sit down and watch the show. Most of the time now, it’s on for noise.

However, I did upgrade my cable package to get USA back early. They had started doing 10 episodes series earlier this year, when I got sucked into ‘Unsolved” which was about Biggie and Tupac. The one that’s on now is “The Purge”.

That stuff’s scary, because something tells me in the future, that might just happen.

I’d like to say that I didn’t really think that, but the world and the way it’s going, I’m not hopeful. Which makes me sad, when I think of my great niece and great nephew. It’s their generation that is going to have to deal with the crap that is transpiring now.

But that is not something I’m even going to touch on today, because that can get overwhelming.

Back to Gordon, I do want to go to one of his restaurants someday. There are a few in Vegas that I would like to get to someday, but who knows when that will be. I had been hoping to get to Vegas for my birthday, but I’m staying home instead. I can do it cheaply, but I don’t want to. Not now anyway.

I’m scared about this season of Walking Dead. It’s hard to believe that before the start of 2017, I hadn’t even seen an episode, and here I am almost counting down the days to when it has the season premiere. Curse you Jeffrey Dean Morgan, it really was all your fault. Someone lured me in with you.. and here I am now.

And I still can’t get him to respond to one of my tweets. My heart aches …. Kidding. But it was all because of him that I got that far into the show. With what I’ve learned about what’s going to happen this season, has me a bit worried. That will be one time I don’t think I’ll appreciate Johnny Cash’s “Hurt”.

I’ve got some new neighbors, who I have come not to like very much. In the 8 years that I’ve been in this apartment, I’ve never had to deal with the crap that I’ve dealt with in the last 2 months. Drama. Drama. Drama. I think that when the mom rented this place, it was going to be just here, but something happened where her son had to move in with her. And soon, his boyfriend followed.

I don’t think she really has any idea what it’s like when she’s gone, because she works hard. She’s gone a lot. And all the stuff that happens, she doesn’t know about. And I keep that in mind when I deal with the crap. I’ve decided to retaliate though. They are so noisy between 5 to 10 pm. Banging, the walls getting hit, one day I was sitting at the table, and there were four pounds on the floor/ceiling right above me. And I didn’t even have the tv or music on.

It just makes me very uncomfortable because I’m used to silence. I’ve been blessed until now, with amazing neighbors. I’m reading now, just how lucky I truly was.

The energy in the neighborhood has gone down the tubes over the last few months. I’ve got a dumb*** that lives with his mom on the corner. What bothers me about him the most, is that he’s identical to someone else I know. Who lives with his mother, and takes advantage of her. Emotional abuse. Blames his mother for all the bad decisions he’s made in his life. I honestly,, am really sick and tired of these people.

That sense of entitlement.

Where did this come from? I think in some ways, we’re all selfish and we all decide the world owes us, but I don’t remember ever being as selfish as some of the people I’ve known in my life.

But again, another day for the topic as well.

On a positive note, I’m really excited for a new opportunity in my life. I’m going to be dealing cards again. I haven’t done that for years, but I have always enjoyed it. The social aspect of it, and having a good time with people. I have been wanting to play cards, so this is a great chance for me to make some extra money. It will be for parties, and we can actually teach people how to play the game. I couldn’t do that when I was a dealer in a casino.

But what I’m most excited for is to deal Roulette again.

I love that game. I really do. And I keep thinking about the last time I played.. It was that night on the cruise ship, when Ivan was sitting at the table next to me. He was playing three card poker. I bought in for $40, and I had the time of my life on that game that night. When I cashed out, I cashed out with $40. Best night. It really was. And I realize a big part of that was because I had awesome dealers. So, why not be that person for someone else. My first lesson will be don’t be afraid of the 00.

I go for the training tonight. I’m excited. : )

On that note, I’ll sign off for now. Max is doing great, I can tell he’s feeling better now that the weather is cooling off. I need to figure out the car thing though. He’s still not willing to get in. I know that this is because of the last time he got in, and got hurt. The ramp slipped. One of the first things I do when I start making money, is look at ramps for him.

I went to see my old therapist a few weeks ago. It was nice to talk to her, and I realized that I’m not as messed up as I thought. I just needed to empty out. It was good to do that. Sometimes I need to just empty the train of thought, and start over. Because sometimes things are bothering me that have no right to be even on my mind! That’s annoying. But it was good to see her.

My point of telling you that? Don’t be afraid to admit that it feels good to have someone to talk to. Sometimes that things that are bothering us, need to be discussed, but really, we don’t want to to hurt anyone. Because you know that someone along the line, will misconstrue something we are not trying to be mean about. But they’ll take it the wrong way because they always expect the worst.


What have you been listening to lately? What do you have on in the background? Lately, I’ve been all over the board. I will probably lose friends over this confession, but I even listened to the Backstreet Boys. 2x.

I’be come to realize that I want to be able to fine tune my pandora station. I’ve been putting it on, and letting it play, and I’ve got to add more variety to it. Remove a few artists, because I’m absolutely not a James Taylor fan, and they play way too many Carpenter songs. I haven’t heard any Jackson Browne, or Bruce Springsteen. Not that I want a ton of either, but I do enjoy a few of their songs. Or maybe I should start a Matchbox Twenty station. I always like me some Matchbox.

I’ve been thinking about a band that were friends once upon a time ago. I got a message a while back, about what songs would I want to hear at a Spirit Creek show. I hadn’t thought about Spirit Creek in such a long time. I got to thinking about that, and realized that there is only one song that pops to mind, “Rise.”

I hadn’t thought about those days in a really long time. Mostly because … I’m me I guess. I remember how the friendship started, and that was when they were my neighbors.

We went to see them in Detroit before we really became friends with them. Well, I became friends with them. That was kind of a wrench in the friendship with Colette, but it was them that took me in when she moved to Florida.

As I write this, I still have “Rise” going through my head. I think that one was always one of my favorites. That was one of the last ones Doug had written before I left. I apppreciated it because I knew what it meant.

Or where it came from I should say.

But I haven’t thought about Spirit Creek for a really, really long time. Though I’m friends with their drummer, guitarist, singer …. I hadn’t thought about Spirit Creek in a very, very long time. The last I stopped to see Doug before I left, they were home but they didn’t answer when i knocked. It was shortly after my DUI, and I have to admit that I hadn’t gotten pretty mad at him when he went to our pastor. I realize now he meant well, but back then I felt like I had been violated.

I owed him money, left the twenty, and i really don’t think we talked ever again. I seen him, but it was never a conversation. Not to mention, when I had to take the drunk driving class, I had to write a letter. I wrote it to him.

I don’t talk about that time. In fact, I don’t think I ever have before. But that was a hard time for me. I was alone in Milwaukee after that. But I managed. It was good that I did because I managed. I learned independence. More than I had before.

I did what I always do. I ran. I blamed him for something that I did. That’s not his fault, that was mine. I like to point fingers. I really hadn’t thought about that part of my life in a really, really long time.

After I wrote that above, I tried to find the video for Rise. All I could find was a video from a show at the Rave Bar in 2002. I had gotten a message a few weeks ago about what 12 songs I’d want to see in a live show. I forgot about it, because nothing came to mind immediately when I first seen it. But I thought about the people I’d see, like old times. Kim, Curt, Brian, Melissa, Steve. People that have still been around even thought we aren’t super buddy buddy, they’re there. And always have been. I want to see them. And if there’s music we all know and love, even better. But Curt will be playing that… 🙂 Everyone actually. It would be fun.

I hadn’t thought about Doug for a long, long time. There’s no secret how I felt there, and that again, was all my fault. He didn’t do anything to encourage anything, because he really was hopelessly head over heels over his now wife of ten plus years.

My DUI. I know that he felt responsible. Because he wanted us to stay at his house, and Tiffany had to go home. And I drove the wrong way down a one way street.

I’m very lucky that I got stopped by that police man. Though then I was very embarrassed over my stupidity, but now, I don’t drive drunk, because I don’t drink. You kind of learn a lesson when you do something that stupid.

It’s hard to believe that was so long ago now. Would I want to see those people? Absolutely. They were all very special to me. It would be like a family reunion. I really hope that they do it.

I didn’t realize how much I’d kept in regarding that. It’s just that the topic doesn’t come up, but when it does, it’s always a flood gate. Always. Next year is my 30 year class reunion year too. I don’t know that they’re doing anything, but I’ve been hoping that I can get back for that. It would be good to have that to look forward to.

Different subject. That one’s making me feel all weird inside. Nostalgic.

That all reminds me of a different poem. Season, Reason, Lifetime.


My shoulder

Is at it again. I have to say, for awhile there, i was fortunate enough to have forgotten what hell it brought me. I guess I felt it creeping back up, but what can I do? It was so nice, that time with out the pain. Almost six months. What wonderful feeling that was.

Not that I’m here to whine. It’s where things are at. I’m sitting outside on the porch right now. I actually want to be inside, but I cant’ short change Max on time outside. I happen to just look up, and see a lady I always see on her porch, buzzing around in her new motorized wheelchair. Good for her. It’s got lights on it and everything, so people can see her coming. Awesome.

I went to a show over the weekend. I have to tell you, I didn’t know what I was getting into, because all i knew was “rap”. First of all, it wasn’t gangster rap. That right there made me happy. But it ended up being way better than I thought it would be. I really enjoyed myself, I didn’t have a single drop to drink, and I haven’t laughed or smiled like that in a very, very long time.

The reason I was there in the first place, was one of the performers was someone I know through one of my neighbors. He’s such a cutie, however, I am twice his age. I can’t be letting him know that I think he’s a cutie, he’ll be creeped out. I’m creeped out. That just feels dirty.

Anyway, I went because of him. I was really surprised at him, and his partner on stage. They were really very good, I mean, I could enjoy what I was listening to! They had a good crowd too, granted most of them were friends, but still. I was really very impressed considering that I’d never seen anything like that before.

Not to mention, I just had fun. I really did. So much that it didn’t even bother me that I really was the oldest person there!!!!!

Not much else really going on. Work’s going well, I’m ready for a long weekend. Ive got one coming up in October. I was hoping to go to Vegas, and get my audition in for who wants to be a millionaire. Other plans include mob museum, Criss Angel, and a few breakfast buffets. I want to be a tourist, so that also includes both Hard Rocks! Tht’s what I’m hoping anyway.

That’s what’s going on in my neck of the woods. I haven’t been writing because of the same song and dance. Toivo is doing well. He has six tomatoes 🍅. None are ripe yet though.

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