8 Days

Until the show.

For not deciding to go until yesterday, I’m pretty damn excited for this show. I can’t even begin to explain to you what this is going to be for me.

But let’s try.

I’ve been trying to figure out why I’ve had such an unnatural attachment to the guys, the band. I realize now, I have been single pretty much my entire adult life, and when it comes to the band, well… they gave me what I needed.

All in all, that is confidence, but they didn’t give it to me. They helped me find it on my own.

You see, when you repeat words often enough, it helps you find it in yourself to find a away to say that out loud to the people that deserve to hear it. It’s not necessarily as abrupt as the words are to their songs, but the point it, I find it in myself to say it.

I wasn’t always the well adjusted adult you see before you today. It’s taken a long time for me to get here, and I’m not even close to where I want to be. But I”m getting closer. And it feels wonderful

And my decision to see the boys… that feels wonderful. I realize that all my emotions I’ve had where they’re concerned… is because I genuinely care for them as people. All of them. No I can’t tell you when their birthdays are or what city they were born in or where they’re even from… but I know that collectively, the give me something. They give them all something, every last one of the people that buy the ticket, the cd, the mercy. I’m not alone…

And realistically, it’s just not natural anymore. I’m 46. I need to move on and meet real people since these real people, aren’t a part of my real life, and I’m not a part of theirs. I accept that, and wish to move on now.

I honestly can not wait to sing Trouble on top of my lungs, and see if Ivan sings what I sing instead of “trophy”… I figure it must be one of those “you can suck my ….” things, where you just know what he really means. I don’t know though. I’m curious to find out.

I haven’t seen them for almost three years, so it’s due. I’m going by myself even, but there will be a girl that I work with there with her husband, and I figure we’ll be smoking buddies between the bands. She gave me her premium parking, so I’m really not afraid at all. I’m really excited to go. I’ve already got a few irons in the fire. Okay, well one. I have one iron in the fire, and that’s a message to Chris in which he did not respond. I don’t blame him, but I have NOT given up. I also intend to put at least one more iron out into the universe.

It’s going to be fun, and what I want nothing more … is to have fun. 🙂

And get a Zoltan pick. That’s the ultimate goal.

With that being said, I just had the Mission Impossible theme pop into my head… 🙂

There will be more writing, but this realization is really only just coming to me, so I’m going to ride it out. I’m having a good day, good night, good week… good life, and that’s all I really want. I want to laugh, and funny stories to tell…. so… …

To be continued.

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