Truth is…

I haven’t been writing. I can feel it too.

I take that back, I’ve been writing. Just nothing that will ever be seen by anyone else. In fact, all of it is already ripped up. It helped me work some issues out though. I was mad, I was more than mad, I was pissed off.

This time though, instead of reacting, I took the time to work through my issues. I didn’t say anything, in fact, I apologized for the behavior I’d shown over the last few weeks. I realized I was wrong. Yet again.

But this time, it was another enlightening experience. As you know, the blog is mychapterfive.com.

I’ve discussed the poem in the past, My Autobiography in Five Short Chapters. With certain things, as I’m growing up, and experiencing life, I’ve come to realize that I’m in a different chapter for most things.

One major area, I’m in chapter Four. I’m not quite to chapter five yet, but I will be. Soon. And I get frustrated, because I can see it. I know it’s coming, but other people can’t.

I can’t help it. I’m a dreamer. I’m an optimist, because being a pessimist just doesn’t make me feel good. In fact, it makes me feel pretty crappy.

And I have a lot of pessimists around me, sometimes it’s hard to shake. But the writing I was doing, helped me break it. That and a great big bitch session, did the job. I realized how stupid I sounded, and how my situation is completely my fault. I need to try that new street next time around. I’ll make sure that I post the poem at the end. It was written by Portia Nelson. I love this poem.

I really am thankful that something is so simply put, so it clicks. I don’t know how else to put it, but to me, this is every single thing that I have experienced in life. Every thing. And I can’t help but really appreciate it more, when I know that next time, it will be chapter Five.

I haven’t had a lot of chapter fives start in my life, but when I do, I can’t help but feel a little more proud of myself. Prouder than I have been in awhile. And that does make me feel good. I’m not there completely yet, but I’m soon to be.

Soon.

On to a new note of news.

I have found a few writers. I put it out in the universe that I was hoping to find someone younger to work with. The reason for that being, is that I think that’s where I’m at with my own writing. I know I’m not there, and the person/people that I hope to work with in the future, we’d be at that same level. I have some experience to work with though, and I’m hoping that by working in a team, it will help me get to that level of confidence that I can work on my own.

Support system, team player … maybe that’s it. But I know I can’t do it on my own first. I need to work with someone else. Because I know that as a team, it will motivate me more. I was talking to the young lady I met, about doing one that I’ve been wanting to write for years. The one that I’ve declared I want to complete it … in memory of my Uncle Bobby.

Not that I was super close to my uncle, but I loved him. He was truly one of the best people I’ve known, and I’m super proud of his daughter. She’s kicking butt as a playwright right now. In fact, what I’d like to do, is interview her as practice to truly become a writer. I’d like her to be the first person I interview.

I called her one morning, and made this declaration. If memory serves, it’s officially twice that I’ve done that to her now. I need to follow through. She’s done it. I truly admire her. Career woman. Mom. Wife. Playwright.

So, with that being said, I need to follow through. I talked to her about the concept, and I even talked to her about Sundance, 2020. She was going to think about it.

I’ve got a flair up of gout. I hate that I admit that. I realize that it’s my own fault when this happens. Too much soda, not enough water. But when Kara and I went to the store, we found a good deal on water, and she was even awesome enough to carry it in for me.

That’s my issue, those cases are so blasted heavy, and I just don’t like to carry them from the car. My shoulders, though no where near as bad as they were, but I’m still experiencing stress so they still bother me.

However, with that being said, I’ve learned how to handle the stress now that I realize that’s what causes the issue at hand. When I get too tense, I need to have some fun. Therefore, I need to have some fun.

Max is doing better, one of the dogs downstairs has learned his line gets to the top of our steps, so he tests the crap out of Max. I think it’s adorable, because Raider is only 1, and he’s learning his limits. Max isn’t in the mood for his limits most days. Teo will come to Max’s rescue a lot of the time. They all play really well together, and Max just likes to remind Raider who the “real” boss is. He hasn’t been taking me for many walks, but I do believe that still has to do with the heat.

I’m very, very ready for fall. Summer in Utah about kills me. These fires have been burning despite all the efforts to contain them, and that’s frustrating. I feel for those fire fighters, because we all know that they are giving it their 100%. When I think about them, I realize I have not one thing to complain about.

It’s my goal to have this in a better blog mode before the end of the year. Eventually, I really do want to be a better blogger. But to be a better blogger, I need to be a better me. I’m working on it, I’m working on it.

So I’m off for now. I’m tired. I haven’t slept well thanks to the gout. I think it will be nap time.

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