Bucket List

Do you have a bucket list? I do. I started one years ago, but I haven’t added to it lately. However, I have never forgotten about it.

Some of the things I have on that list involve people. Just things I wish I could have done, but never did. Like sitting down and having coffee with one in particular.

This is a person I met in a snow covered parking lot 26 years ago. Marquette, Michigan. When I met him, I had no idea what his name was, and he was just the cutest thing. And he was sweet.

This guy, made me fall head over heels. Or, that’s what it seemed like then. Now, I realize that the whole thing was nothing but a great big crush, because he was just a super nice guy.

And that’s exactly what it was.

It had nothing to do with stature. It had nothing to do with talent. That was genuine I can’t believe this guys being nice to me, wow. He truly was a nice man.

Here we are 26 years later, and the last five times I’ve seen him I’ve been an idiot. It’s because I’m awkward. How can I get past 26 years of acting like a school girl with a crush. Because that’s what it was!

I am a writer. You know this, heck, he knows this. I used to write him letters all the time in the beginning. (Again, this is the school girl crush coming out.) I don’t know what possessed me to do it, but I wrote him another one. Monday. I looked his address up online, and I drove to the post office and mailed it off that day.

Basically saying what I just said there. I’m done with awkward. Can we be friends?

I just really want to be able to talk to him. I know we have stuff in common. Like the writing. He wrote a book, and I’ll tell you about it soon, but I’m not ready to admit in public who it is. Just because in some areas, he’s a big deal. He’s a record making guitar player, baby.

To me, he’s just the nice guy I met in Marquette, MI. Really. That’s what it’s boiled down to. He’s the really nice guy I met in Marquette.

I’m only reposting this because I can tell you I have lost about 50 lbs since this was picture was taken oh so many years ago. This one was taken in 1993 or 1994 I think.

On to a different bucket list item. I have been thinking heavily about my eating habits. I don’t have any good ones. That’s why I ended up looking like that in the first place. Mountain Dew and Cheetos will do it.

I still drink soda, diet now days. But I really have to learn the eating habits. My family had a great influence, and if I had not babysat so much of my teenage years away, I would have probably kept those good habits. But I did, and I didn’t, and now I’m paying the price for it.

I don’t mean to sound like I’m blaming my depression on everything, but I’ve come to realize when you’re in one, you don’t realize it. And everything around you suffers for it. I have never been good at keeping house. I’m absolutely awful at it. And I’ve come to realize that it is very, very hard to get on top of something like that when you come out of the depression. I look around this apartment, and it’s… I don’t want to live like this anymore.

It’s not filth. It’s clutter. Everywhere. I’d never been very well organized before, so getting on top of that is a challenge. The eating habits is a challenge, because I hate this kitchen. I remember my roommates constantly, and they haven’t even been here for YEARS.

The guy upstairs, he seems to be charging the negative energy that I already feel in here, and … I am sorry to keep saying it, but I can’t wait to get out of this apartment.

I know it’s not going to solve all my problems, but … it’s a start. I need new. I need fresh. I need this for the first day of the rest of my life! I want to be able to focus on good habits, and try to forget all of the bad that have been there for so long. I sincerely want this to be my chapter four. Chapter five will be when I go back to Michigan/Wisconsin. Whenever that may be.

It sounds funny, but the Mary Tyler Moore show theme …. that pops in my head when I realize that I am improving. I really am. “You’re going to make it after all….”

But back to the whole bucket list thing … the next big one I’m working on, is the weight. I’ve got 25+ years I need to prepare for, and I need to be healthier for it.

Thanks as always for reading. I know you’ve got other things you can read, and the fact that you’re here with me, means a lot. Thank you for taking the time.

And please, comment. I’d love to hear what YOU have to say.

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