Anxiety

I hate mine. Or I should say that I still hate it’s timing. Everyone has some anxiety, even if it’s mild, and small. Sometimes I just don’t understand why I have it in the first place.

Last night, I did not feel like I was in a good place. I know what triggered it, but I didn’t understand why I was feeling so anxious.

Maybe it was legitimate. I’ve got two meth heads living upstairs.

I don’t think that they started out that way. They are also gay men. I don’t know if that’s really relevant, but I can say that out of all the people that have lived upstairs in my time in this apartment, gay men have been the most dramatic. (Yes, actually I do have more than this one couple to compare with.)

There was an incident on Friday. One where Ed came yelling out of the door, Call the police Cherri, he just tried to choke me.

Me, hearing this, did such. It ended up being a rather big thing, where boyfriend ended up in jail. Aggravated Assault were the charges. $25,000 bail. And in this incident, is when I found out that they’ve been smoking meth upstairs. I’ve never been so angry in all of my life.

I actually felt better when I realized that he was gone away. He was gone! Life can get back to normal! Ed’s Mom was really stressing out about the boyfriend (she also lives upstairs) because he’s a parasite. Leaches on and takes all he can from the host before moving on.

So, just so everyone knows I’ll refer to boyfriend as Parasite.

Well, yesterday, I went to did my inmate search, and found he wasn’t there anymore. I came home to find out where he is.

What was the point? Seriously, why did I even waste my time, involving myself into a situation that you asked me into… if you’re only just going to walk right back into it. I don’t want to be here, and I resent him for forcing me into this situation in the first place. That means clearly, he’s thinking only of himself.

What bothers me, is I understand that this is simply a rebound relationship for Ed. From everything he has said to me, I see it clearly. That’s a tough one. Because honestly, I like this guy. He’s a good person, good heart, good worker. Good ethics. And this Parasite… is just that. I’ve watched him drain Ed dry, mentally, emotionally, financially, and contribute nothing. He hasn’t worked the 8 months he’s been here. And I just can’t respect a guy like that. I’ve got an even bigger issue though.

And it bothers me that it bothers me, because it has nothing to do with me.

Parasite will not give him his HIV test results.

At least that’s what he says. Like I said, I don’t know why it bothers me because I’ve come to realize I don’t know what the truth is there anymore. And honestly, really don’t want to. It bothers me that I even have to think about this crap for the next 12 days.

It bothers me because I’m worried about Max. I have to work. I can’t stay home. I have locks on my doors, but Parasite has been known to dig around on my porch. (Yes, he has. I wish I was lying.)

Why? Why do I even have to worry about this crap? I didn’t ask for it, and I despise that it’s forced upon me.

I didn’t mind it at all before all of this started, and this is what has made me decide to move in the first place. The final deciding factor.

I can’t wait to sit on my porch and see mountains again. Instead of the parking lot. I will miss my tree though. I love that tree in the fall. Yellow leaves EVERYWHERE!

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