Never Enough

It’s now Wednesday. Yesterday, I had a shocker and I’m not sure how I feel about it yet.

There’s something around Never Enough. They’ve removed it from their set list.

It bothers me because that song is special to me. What happened that it’s like it’s being erased from their history. That’s the part that bothers me. Every show, that song has been played. And now, it’s gone?

I know it’s none of my business, but that song… means something. And I’m hurt. Don’t get me wrong, it will be cool to see Ashes played, but if we’re taking a vote, I’d rather have had Meet the Monster added back to the set list.

I was only made aware of this fact because the girl that will be at the show from work, has shared the set list. She said she’s going to check out the new stuff to listen to at work. I told her that I’m going to go into it like I did on the American Capitalist show that I went to at Salt Air. I had no idea about what the new stuff sounded like yet. I did have the cd, but I hadn’t had a chance to listen to it yet. This time, I haven’t had the chance to buy the album. When I had the extra money, I bought the ticket. The cd will come eventually.

But I’m excited. I am curious about Bad Wolves. When I heard them previously, I admit, that it reminded me of FFDP, so when I looked I was surprised to find it was them.

I know nothing about Never More, and Breaking Benjamin… I have to say, not really a fan. Not every band is for everyone. I’m not going to talk smack, but I’ve seen them live already. I’m sure they’ve improved since then, but I’ll just say, it won’t be the highlight of the night for me.

I’m looking forward to seeing the boys. It’s going to be fun.

The Bleeding

Before I go further, if you don’t want to hear about them, you might not want to read. I’m just being honest, because Five Finger Death Punch will be in. Salt Lake City this Saturday, and I will be there, and I will be singing along to every single song.

I’m getting excited to see the boys. I haven’t seen them live in almost three years. I’m not going to be anywhere near the stage, but I will get to hear them. I did enter a contest to win a pair of reserved tickets, so.. here’s to hoping.

As I think about that, I think about when was the best show that I’ve seen them do. I enjoyed the Missoula show, I was up top, dead center and I got to watch everybody. That was nice. On the floor, I’m smooshed in front of Jason and Chris. That’s the main reason I’ve never been successful in my goal to get the Zoltan pick.

I have a Zoltan pick, Kara’s Zoltan pick. It’s not the same. It needs to be MY Zoltan pick.

I have so little in my life, I’ve got to give myself some kind of adventure from time to time.

Seriously though…

The reason for today’s title. Anyone who’s familiar with FFDP, is familiar with their song, “The Bleeding”. It clicked a while ago, what it was truly about. And to be funny about it, plain and simple “Bitches be crazy”.

Aren’t we though? That shit, the bleeding, wasn’t just about that. It was about how nuts some of us can get. At least this is my interpretation.

Okay, so it’s not that blunt, but seriously, it’s a guy dealing with a crazy chick. And he knows she’s not in her right mind. Because that shit is what made her nuts.

My point?

Good song.



I have also become aware that I haven’t mentioned my child lately. I’m happy to report that he’s doing spectacular. Right now, the issue he’s having is with the heat. Here in Salt Lake City, it’s not been under 100 degrees in a while. Wait, wait, I’m wrong. When I was out on Sunday, it was 99 degrees.

Max is a black lab mix, and he’s a big boy. He’s not liking the heat. I can’t wait for the fall. That’s really my favorite time of year anyway. I need to prep for winter though. I have come to realize that the winter months … are rough with lack of sunshine.

Lots of disco on this station this morning. I have to say, I’m tempted to John Travolta across the living room…

On that note, have a great day.

#thebleeding #fivefingerdeathpunch #blacklabmix #lovemydog #maxaronithesanfransiscotreat

Bucket List Band

I have always wanted to see Glenn Danzig perform. This year, I’ve got the chance to put him on the seen list. And what’s really cool, I’m going with someone who’s more into them than me. She loves the punk.

So, yeah… as she pointed out, it’s the Saturday before Halloween and 30th anniversary tour. FUCK YEAH! Sorry for the language, but I’m really excited for that one. Yay!

Probably not a word Glenn Danzig would be thrilled to know someone said about seeing him live.

So excited… and she also mentioned going to see Eddie Vedder. I have to say he wasn’t one I ever wanted to see, but now … I sure would. He stood up for things he believed in, so why not. Plus I hear his solo album is awesome.

Six more days … my co workers are afraid that I’m going to be too excited all week. I’ve got work to do… but when Friday hits…. Hell YES I’ll be excited. Live music….. my boys! Five finger. Death Punch. Five finger. Death Punch….. yup, just getting warmed up.

ðŸĪŠðŸ‘ŠðŸŧ. 5ïļâƒĢ🖕☠ïļðŸ‘ŠðŸŧ!

Bad Company

I know I’ve never shared this story before. I’m reminded as the original band I’ve heard sing this song comes onto Pandora.

I actually seen Bad Company live. I want to say it was on 1991. The only thing I remember from that show, is when they did this song. I remember it because it was the night that Desert Storm was officially ended. They came out and announced that, and then played this song. I remember it so well because my uncle Bruce was there, and I knew he’d be able to get home to his family.

I haven’t heard this version much over the last few years, but it sounds good. I’ve been hearing a lot of Bad Company over the last few weeks, and they are a band that is considered a classic, and I was fortunate to see. That was my second year of college, and Bill bought my ticket because I had to pay for the window he broke in the dorm. I remember that part. Hee hee. I hope to see more classics as well. I really, just don’t want to stand anymore, so I don’t mind going to see the people I can sit and watch. 🙂

It’s a Sunday afternoon, and there’s not been much going on today. Except I was reminded once again, that I spend too much money on groceries. So I didn’t buy groceries. I’ll go pick up a few things in a few hours, but right now, I’m content sitting at home in my air conditioning.

Max is whining, but I don’t know what it is that he wants. I tell him to bring me the ball, and I just get a whine, so who knows. It’s still 100 degrees outside, so I know the poor thing is waiting to just go outside for the sake of going outside. He won’t go anywhere.

Led Zepplin is another band I’ve come to appreciate more than I used to. I really didn’t have much of an open mind for while there, regarding music. That’s my own fault, but I’ve learned to appreciate it all. Where Zep is concerned, I think it was more getting forced to listen to it when you wanted to listen to something else. When you find things by choice, I realize I do appreciate them much differently.

I’ve been watching a lot of Unsolved Mysteries lately. I realize that anything that is able to play continually runs a chance that I’ll be watching it. But it’s interesting to watch these shows.

Right now, Grand Funk Railroad. Jackyl covered these guys, Goldberg was in the video.

My mom and talked about the music scene and my life today. She said that she doesn’t get why I still want to go to these concerts. Because I enjoy them. I told her now is different then. No one ever sat me down and tried to make me realize why I was chasing the bands. They didn’t have to but damn it, listen to me when I say is is NOT THE SAME NOW AS IT WAS THEN.

That was then, this is now. Perfect phrase. That’s me. That was totally then. Now… Now is such a different story.

I’m done with the dreaming, I’m looking for the real thing these days. Whatever that may be. What is in front of me.

Five Finger is in six days, and I’m so excited to have some fun. Singing and dancing, and just enjoying the fact that the band that I love is playing live music at that moment in time. I probably won’t have my Zoltan pick, nor will I have been able to give Chris Kael the one thing I really wish to give him, something that I think … well, I think he’ll appreciate it eventually. And if I do give it to him, I hope he’ll give the one to Ivan that I give him as well. I hope that Jessica and her husband will have gotten to shaken hands with him as well, because Chris … is just a nice guy. (Noticed how I did that, I started with the “Nah it won’t happen”, and finished it like it did…. Because I’ve put it out in the universe, and I’m… well, sincerely believing that if I put it out there, it will happen…. 🙂

If it doesn’t, what does it hurt. Seriously. Bottom line, at the end of it all, I get to hear Trouble for the first time. YEEHAW!

On that note, I’m going to go figure out a few things. I’ve got a lot on my mind right now, so … I need to get stuff done.

As I sign off, Shooting Star by Bad Company came on… 🙂 Have a good day, and thanks for reading.

#rowzrocks #fivefingerdeathpunch

8 Days

Until the show.

For not deciding to go until yesterday, I’m pretty damn excited for this show. I can’t even begin to explain to you what this is going to be for me.

But let’s try.

I’ve been trying to figure out why I’ve had such an unnatural attachment to the guys, the band. I realize now, I have been single pretty much my entire adult life, and when it comes to the band, well… they gave me what I needed.

All in all, that is confidence, but they didn’t give it to me. They helped me find it on my own.

You see, when you repeat words often enough, it helps you find it in yourself to find a away to say that out loud to the people that deserve to hear it. It’s not necessarily as abrupt as the words are to their songs, but the point it, I find it in myself to say it.

I wasn’t always the well adjusted adult you see before you today. It’s taken a long time for me to get here, and I’m not even close to where I want to be. But I”m getting closer. And it feels wonderful

And my decision to see the boys… that feels wonderful. I realize that all my emotions I’ve had where they’re concerned… is because I genuinely care for them as people. All of them. No I can’t tell you when their birthdays are or what city they were born in or where they’re even from… but I know that collectively, the give me something. They give them all something, every last one of the people that buy the ticket, the cd, the mercy. I’m not alone…

And realistically, it’s just not natural anymore. I’m 46. I need to move on and meet real people since these real people, aren’t a part of my real life, and I’m not a part of theirs. I accept that, and wish to move on now.

I honestly can not wait to sing Trouble on top of my lungs, and see if Ivan sings what I sing instead of “trophy”… I figure it must be one of those “you can suck my ….” things, where you just know what he really means. I don’t know though. I’m curious to find out.

I haven’t seen them for almost three years, so it’s due. I’m going by myself even, but there will be a girl that I work with there with her husband, and I figure we’ll be smoking buddies between the bands. She gave me her premium parking, so I’m really not afraid at all. I’m really excited to go. I’ve already got a few irons in the fire. Okay, well one. I have one iron in the fire, and that’s a message to Chris in which he did not respond. I don’t blame him, but I have NOT given up. I also intend to put at least one more iron out into the universe.

It’s going to be fun, and what I want nothing more … is to have fun. 🙂

And get a Zoltan pick. That’s the ultimate goal.

With that being said, I just had the Mission Impossible theme pop into my head… 🙂

There will be more writing, but this realization is really only just coming to me, so I’m going to ride it out. I’m having a good day, good night, good week… good life, and that’s all I really want. I want to laugh, and funny stories to tell…. so… …

To be continued.

Five Finger Death Punch

I’ve been on a roller coaster this year where my boys are concerned. And honestly, it was me coming to grips of growing up. I really do care about those guys personally. In addition to the whole.

I joke that I’m going to marry Ivan, but … I’d really just like to have a little while to talk about a few things. I have been thinking about the friendship he and I once had, on Facebook of all places. I realize now, he really did read what I wrote him, and that… I know was what he meant. He appreciated what I had to say.

I got selfish though, I don’t know how people can handle the entitlement of this generation. Everyone deserves something. That’s what I seen on his page, people always asking for stuff. It got to where it really was bothering me, or I wouldn’t have ever deleted him.

Yes, I deleted him. I sent him a note as to why when I did it. I never heard from him or anything after that, so I know that’s the part of me that’s secretly hoping that some day, we’ll have that chance to talk. But I also know, the chances of that, really are pretty slim.

From what I understand,, he deleted his page, and has steered clear of social media. Can’t say that I blame him. I don’t use it like I used to. The page I spend the most time on, is this one.

All my anger towards the guys, had not one single thing to do with that guys. I know that. Though, I was hurt to know that the other guys were saying things about Ivan. But that’s in every work environment. Unfortunately, they’re in theirs way more than the norm. It would get to be too much.

That’s none of my business. Bottom line. I will hold a grudge over the leaving Never Enough off of the greatest hits album, but the rest … it’s not my concern.

It’s been. 8 years since that first time. Hard to believe that they were once so tiny, and now they’re headlining Usana. Not going to lie, wasn’t excited about Usana. But that had a lot to do with my wild imagination. I realize now that I can go on my own, and there will be friends to talk to there, and I will get to see Five. Finger. Death. Punch.


I didn’t want to go, and for all the wrong reasons. Then it was a switch that went on, and I can’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be that day. I honestly am really excited to know that I get to hang out with people … and socialize. I can’t even remember the last time I’ve socialized!!!!

That’s a four day weekend as well for me. I’m so excited. I can’t even tell you how much I’ve been looking forward to that weekend.

However, I still have no idea on how in the hell I’m going to manage to get ahold of a Zoltan pick. Or a Jeremy drumstick, but honestly, I want the Z thing behind me first .. I can only concentrate on one thing at a time…. As for Ivan, I named my baseball. bat Ivan, the one that is there “In Case of Emergency”… I don’t need anything from him, for him… I’ve got my memory of him, and honestly, that is the best thing I could ask for.

I know I’m not going to marry him, if you ask me, he should probably work on himself for awhile. Just my opinion. But it will be nice to see him up there on the stage, hopefully enjoying what he used to love so much…. Chris too. All of them. I worry about Jeremy and that back of his… I’m nervous about seeing him, because I know he’s in pain… and that struggle of sobriety, and wanting the pain gone…. I really worry.

They aren’t my friends, but they are still men I care about. I don’t know what they’ve got going on in their personal lives, but I know what makes headlines. But above all, people need to remember this… they’re just guys. Bottom line, they have their own lives to live. But if ever given the chance, yes, I would love to chat with each of them. Just because in the last decade, so much has happened. To each of them, and to them as a whole.

And that helped me through my stuff. I don’t listen to them all the time. In fact, I’ve been listening to some soft stuff lately. America, James Taylor, Carpenters, you get my point. But they are special to me, and that… will always be.

Deep down, I know that maybe I had a romantic notion, but … that’s the day dreamer in me. Because of my day dreams though, I’m not living my life. And I think that’s why I’ve been on such a roller coaster.

Letting go of my band. Or, growing up.

It’s growing up. I know that I’m not going to have Ivan knock on my door. But I will have him up on that stage singing on top of his lungs, and …. doing what I know he loves to do. Because of that, it gave me courage when I didn’t think I had any.

That part is true.

But of course, if Ivan wants to show up on my door step, he’s more than welcome to. 🙂

On that note, I’m actually pretty tired. I’ve been working pretty hard these past few days. So, I’m going to sit in front of the tv and watch a few more episodes of Unsolved Mysteries. One of these has the Paulding Light on it…. Here’s something silly to know. I like to watch the episodes that have things from home, because it makes me less home sick. I just remembered, Ghost Adventures had the Paulding Light on it too!

Last note, if you’re interested, there’s a movie out there called The Paulding Light. It’s not great. Hell, it’s not even good, but … watch it. It’s made up there, and … i really miss that area.

The Cars

Remember that band? That’s one that stayed with me from childhood. I remember Dad had Candy O in the truck. I also remembered learning the sad fate of an 8 track when left on the dash board. I fell in love with the Cars and never knew it.

I’ve been listening to a Cars pandora station today. It all sounds good. I am glad that I’ve realized that I have this on my tv. Music at a touch. I don’t know where things changed, and I stopped appreciating it the way I did when I was younger. I suppose life just took place, and my mind was elsewhere. I actually feel much more at peace since I’ve been listening to music again. This kind of music.

People think I’m a headbanger, but truth is, the heaviest band I listen to is Five Finger Death Punch. That is really the only band I’ve shown any loyalty to at all over the last years. But it doesn’t mean it’s all I listen to. Granted, in the car it is, because it’s the only cd I have. (That sad excuse of a Greatest Hits album that came out in December.) But I hadn’t listened to anything else because I was plain simply lazy. All I had to do was register for the damn Pandora account. I didn’t want to do it because my last account was a work email address, and I didn’t want to type it ever again.

It took all of thirty seconds I think. Minute max. I do enjoy pandora because whatever I do want to hear I can hear. You Tube’s pretty cool like that too. So, with that being said, I have to go find a song I thought of the other day. I will share it here. 🙂

Samurai – Handsome Devil This is a band that I seen years ago, when they opened for Lit. I loved them, and this album was always fun. I don’t know if they still exist today, but check out the song. I thought of this song because I ordered the Samurai at Yoshi’s. It’s funny how we connect things in our minds at times.

I’m not doing too much these days though. Sincerely, putting effort forth to be a full fledged adult. I really don’t like living like things don’t matter, because they do. I want to have more $ in the bank, and I want to be able to get out and enjoy things.

I also want to try to get out and meet someone. Not a forever someone, but someone to hang out with. Go do things with. I’ve decided that he will be more entertained by me than by any of the things we end up doing. I have decided he’s just going to be a perfectly wonderful. person who is looking to get out more, and just not stare at the same walls every single day, like me. The only thing that I ask of him is that he doesn’t drink every single day (at least a quantity of 12 pack every day.) He doesn’t get hammered six out of seven nights of the week. Actually, much less if ever.

I’m not a prude, but I don’t like to be around alcohol or drunk people. At all. I used to be that person, and I don’t enjoy it at all. I’m not opposed to a few drinks or whatever, there’s a limit to everything.

I’m tired though, I realize. I’m ready for some time to myself. Off for a few days. That work place is a very negative energy kind of place, and I have got to work on that, because by the time I leave it’s like an energy vampire drained me dry. That’s exhausting. I’m trying not to let it get to me, but sometimes it does. I’m glad to say though some of the issue will be gone. I have to tell ya, I really like my supervisor here. She’s like none other I’ve ever had. For the most part, my coworkers are all very nice, but they still are very negative. I need to work on remembering earplugs for that reason… darn it. Fine time to remember.

The Police have been being played today as well, and I have to say I’ve been appreciating them as well. I really missed you music, really.

Have a good night. :).

I Write the Songs

I’ve been listening to the same Pandora station for awhile now, it’s just 70s lite rock. Barry Manilow gets played every day, which is something I’ve come to enjoy. The one song I always sing along to is I Write the Songs.

I think it’s an awesome song, singing it from the perspective of music. I once suggested that 5FDP do a cover of that song, I’m sure that he thought I was a looney tune, but … think about it from the words perspective, I think it would be awesome. They tend to always do a cover on every album anyway, why not. If they did, maybe, just maybe I could forgive them for their cover of “Gone Away”.

Yes, you read that right. I’ve come to realize that I don’t enjoy their cover of that song. It’s not that they did it horribly or anything, because I think it sounds just fine. But it’s the song itself. I wish they didn’t do it is all. It’s just my opinion. I hear that they did a cover of Blue on Black by Kenny Wayne Sheppard on this last album. I haven’t heard it, and I’m sure it will be fine when I do finally hear it.

I’ve been listening to a lot of Pandora. Makes me wonder why I didn’t utilize it sooner. I hadn’t realized how much I really had stopped listening to music in general. I’m glad I changed that. Songs that make me smile, laugh, or even roll my eyes… they all bring back some sort of memory. Like this one, “Alone again (Naturally)” by Gilbert O Sullivan… It reminds me of Megamind, when he had taken over Megatropolis and was all alone… I loved that movie. That was also the last time I ever hung out with Chad’s kids, I took them to that movie.

That’s a situation I never knew how to handle, because I felt so heartless the way I walked out of their lives. He remarried, it wasn’t fair for me to hang around. But that didn’t mean I didn’t stop caring about them… But they had a mom, and then a step mom. I wasn’t anything.

Okay, new topic.

Man, there are some weirdos around here. I was out on the porch, and this new guy’s sitting in his car and staring up at me. I don’t know what his deal is, but that guy he lives with is a real winner too. Right now, open parking is in play until the first, and he littered a woman who lives in our same building with paper, because she parked in “his” spot. Sorry, “friend”, but no one has a spot right now. Honestly, I had a feeling about him since the first time I seen him, and my gut’s only been proving right from all the little things he’s pulled in the neighborhood. I really want to say something, but I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut.

That’s only one of the few…

But anyway, I’m off to finish getting ready for the work day. I started my day with a game plan for getting things in order, and the top priority is Follow Through. I still suck about that even after all these years.

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