What have you been listening to lately? What do you have on in the background? Lately, I’ve been all over the board. I will probably lose friends over this confession, but I even listened to the Backstreet Boys. 2x.

I’be come to realize that I want to be able to fine tune my pandora station. I’ve been putting it on, and letting it play, and I’ve got to add more variety to it. Remove a few artists, because I’m absolutely not a James Taylor fan, and they play way too many Carpenter songs. I haven’t heard any Jackson Browne, or Bruce Springsteen. Not that I want a ton of either, but I do enjoy a few of their songs. Or maybe I should start a Matchbox Twenty station. I always like me some Matchbox.

I’ve been thinking about a band that were friends once upon a time ago. I got a message a while back, about what songs would I want to hear at a Spirit Creek show. I hadn’t thought about Spirit Creek in such a long time. I got to thinking about that, and realized that there is only one song that pops to mind, “Rise.”

I hadn’t thought about those days in a really long time. Mostly because … I’m me I guess. I remember how the friendship started, and that was when they were my neighbors.

We went to see them in Detroit before we really became friends with them. Well, I became friends with them. That was kind of a wrench in the friendship with Colette, but it was them that took me in when she moved to Florida.

As I write this, I still have “Rise” going through my head. I think that one was always one of my favorites. That was one of the last ones Doug had written before I left. I apppreciated it because I knew what it meant.

Or where it came from I should say.

But I haven’t thought about Spirit Creek for a really, really long time. Though I’m friends with their drummer, guitarist, singer …. I hadn’t thought about Spirit Creek in a very, very long time. The last I stopped to see Doug before I left, they were home but they didn’t answer when i knocked. It was shortly after my DUI, and I have to admit that I hadn’t gotten pretty mad at him when he went to our pastor. I realize now he meant well, but back then I felt like I had been violated.

I owed him money, left the twenty, and i really don’t think we talked ever again. I seen him, but it was never a conversation. Not to mention, when I had to take the drunk driving class, I had to write a letter. I wrote it to him.

I don’t talk about that time. In fact, I don’t think I ever have before. But that was a hard time for me. I was alone in Milwaukee after that. But I managed. It was good that I did because I managed. I learned independence. More than I had before.

I did what I always do. I ran. I blamed him for something that I did. That’s not his fault, that was mine. I like to point fingers. I really hadn’t thought about that part of my life in a really, really long time.

After I wrote that above, I tried to find the video for Rise. All I could find was a video from a show at the Rave Bar in 2002. I had gotten a message a few weeks ago about what 12 songs I’d want to see in a live show. I forgot about it, because nothing came to mind immediately when I first seen it. But I thought about the people I’d see, like old times. Kim, Curt, Brian, Melissa, Steve. People that have still been around even thought we aren’t super buddy buddy, they’re there. And always have been. I want to see them. And if there’s music we all know and love, even better. But Curt will be playing that… 🙂 Everyone actually. It would be fun.

I hadn’t thought about Doug for a long, long time. There’s no secret how I felt there, and that again, was all my fault. He didn’t do anything to encourage anything, because he really was hopelessly head over heels over his now wife of ten plus years.

My DUI. I know that he felt responsible. Because he wanted us to stay at his house, and Tiffany had to go home. And I drove the wrong way down a one way street.

I’m very lucky that I got stopped by that police man. Though then I was very embarrassed over my stupidity, but now, I don’t drive drunk, because I don’t drink. You kind of learn a lesson when you do something that stupid.

It’s hard to believe that was so long ago now. Would I want to see those people? Absolutely. They were all very special to me. It would be like a family reunion. I really hope that they do it.

I didn’t realize how much I’d kept in regarding that. It’s just that the topic doesn’t come up, but when it does, it’s always a flood gate. Always. Next year is my 30 year class reunion year too. I don’t know that they’re doing anything, but I’ve been hoping that I can get back for that. It would be good to have that to look forward to.

Different subject. That one’s making me feel all weird inside. Nostalgic.

That all reminds me of a different poem. Season, Reason, Lifetime.

My shoulder

Is at it again. I have to say, for awhile there, i was fortunate enough to have forgotten what hell it brought me. I guess I felt it creeping back up, but what can I do? It was so nice, that time with out the pain. Almost six months. What wonderful feeling that was.

Not that I’m here to whine. It’s where things are at. I’m sitting outside on the porch right now. I actually want to be inside, but I cant’ short change Max on time outside. I happen to just look up, and see a lady I always see on her porch, buzzing around in her new motorized wheelchair. Good for her. It’s got lights on it and everything, so people can see her coming. Awesome.

I went to a show over the weekend. I have to tell you, I didn’t know what I was getting into, because all i knew was “rap”. First of all, it wasn’t gangster rap. That right there made me happy. But it ended up being way better than I thought it would be. I really enjoyed myself, I didn’t have a single drop to drink, and I haven’t laughed or smiled like that in a very, very long time.

The reason I was there in the first place, was one of the performers was someone I know through one of my neighbors. He’s such a cutie, however, I am twice his age. I can’t be letting him know that I think he’s a cutie, he’ll be creeped out. I’m creeped out. That just feels dirty.

Anyway, I went because of him. I was really surprised at him, and his partner on stage. They were really very good, I mean, I could enjoy what I was listening to! They had a good crowd too, granted most of them were friends, but still. I was really very impressed considering that I’d never seen anything like that before.

Not to mention, I just had fun. I really did. So much that it didn’t even bother me that I really was the oldest person there!!!!!

Not much else really going on. Work’s going well, I’m ready for a long weekend. Ive got one coming up in October. I was hoping to go to Vegas, and get my audition in for who wants to be a millionaire. Other plans include mob museum, Criss Angel, and a few breakfast buffets. I want to be a tourist, so that also includes both Hard Rocks! Tht’s what I’m hoping anyway.

That’s what’s going on in my neck of the woods. I haven’t been writing because of the same song and dance. Toivo is doing well. He has six tomatoes 🍅. None are ripe yet though.

Unsolved Mysteries

Yes, I’m still watching this show. I’m learning all sorts of stuff from the 90s though. I have not been able to help solve one yet though.

I watched a very interesting show on Nichola Tesla yesterday. I wonder why I don’t remember hearing more about him in school. Very interesting. You’d think that when Tesla hit the music scene that would have made me want to learn more, but … it wasn’t until recently that I have been more interested in learning more.

People talk about how crazy he was. I don’t think he was crazy. In a lot of ways I could actually relate to him, of course, on much different levels than the obvious ones. The part where he was actually employed by Thomas Edison, and he quit that job… blew my mind.

At least him leaving that job, didn’t dampen his will to follow through. And at least he believed in himself enough to try harder! He was different, and that needed to be appreciated. Or needs to be. I don’t know much at all, but I learned enough to know that he was very interesting.

I learn a lot from shows I watch. I don’t watch You Tube videos often, and it’s actually flipping through channels that I find things most of the time. The last show that I watched that I learned about how things went down, was Unsolved: The Murders of Tupac and the Notorious BIG.

Did you know that they know who did it? Both murders? Both people are dead, and were dead at the time that Russell Poole tried to go to the police that last time, but it was because of the LAPD… there’s nothing that they can do about either!

That one shocked me. I didn’t realize that they knew who committed both crimes. I think that Russell Poole sincerely wanted to get to the bottom of it, but he didn’t follow the chain of command, and he didn’t have the faith in his higher ups. Sometimes that is justified, but this one… I think he jumped the gun. I think that if he would have trusted everything … it would have worked itself out.

But … who knows. No one can go back in time. Veletta Wallace is the one that suffers the most because of all of that. Her and Tupac’s mother. The mothers.

Two sons will never have justice for their lives. That’s what’s sad. It’s not about rappers, or gangsters. It’s about two sons. And two mothers. Fingers can be pointed, blame can be tossed, but .. that’s what it boils down to. Not to mention, fathers. There are offspring of those two men that will see justice for the loss of the men that they didn’t have growing up.

That is something that never made sense to me. It is a chain of not restraining themselves, and acting on impulse. That’s how so many people are killed daily. Reaction.

People simply don’t think things through anymore. I’m guilty of it. 98% of the stuff I’ve posted here in the past is proof of that. And everything that I’ve ever said regarding Ivan Moody, is proof of that.

Well not all of it, but most of it 🙂

I have been feeling good about things where he’s concerned. I think that the show, really finally was the perspective I needed. I didn’t realize just how big the guys had gotten. I knew they had a big following, but that show was sold out! And they’ve been having that same success since.

I guess deep down,, I wanted to keep him real to me, but I suppose at this stage in the game, he’s on the level of Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley. Steven Tyler. Ozzy. Not touchable any longer.

That’s sad, but good at the same time. The guys are still going strong, and will continue to go strong. And I should be grateful for the time that I did have, because clearly, it’s is NEVER going to happen again. I am grateful for that, but can’t help but be sad a little bit for it as well. They really can’t just hang out anymore.

Sad. But that’s life.

I haven’t done much since then. I was going to go see Junkyard, and Framing the Red, but I chickened out at the last minute. I just don’t enjoy going out at night, alone. I don’t care where it is. I don’t even like going to the store. Especially in the world, the way it is today. One wrong word, and I could be shot. Anywhere!

I don’t enjoy the city life anymore. I don’t know that I truly ever did. I mean, I did, because during the day, I’ll do anything. But when it starts to get dark, I’m even nervous sitting on my porch. I hate this feeling. I hate being afraid!

I will move back to Michigan eventually. Or Wishconsin. (Yes, I know…) Probably closer to Jim. But that’s a ways away. In the meantime, I’m confined to my apartment. I will go out, I need to find things that interest me during the daylight hours, and I guess I haven’t found it yet. Or I have, and haven’t figured out how to get Max over his sudden refusal to get in the car. I know he hurt himself that last time… I need to insure that’s done, and never happening again.

It was the ramp. It slipped, and he landed hard. He’s doing much better now, but he won’t even go anywhere NEAR the car. I don’t know that it’s all cars, or just mine. I’ll do some testing of the waters this weekend. My neighbor said I can try with hers to se if that’s the case. When Mom and Dad swung by on Sunday though, he damn near jumped on Mom’s lap, so I don’t know.

I’m keeping my eye on him. He took me for a good walk yesterday though, which was nice. Not as long as we used to, but it was pretty warm out yet, so I’m glad that he took me at all. And he didn’t stop at all! That’s how I know his hips are doing better. I just want him to feel better.

On that note, I will sign off for now. Things are going good, and I’m excited about the way things are going at work. I am pretty proud of myself, and seeing the fruits of my labor. I like where I’m at, and continue to grow to, and I’ve got an awesome support system at work, and out of work. So all is well.

Thanks for reading. I appreciate your time, I know you’re busy like me, so the thought of you spending some time with me, it truly appreciated.

Have a great day!


I have a dilemma. I live by myself, well, with Max, but you get my point. I have a few things that I’m itching to get the hell out of this apartment, or at least from one room to another.

For the most part, I have never really ever moved anything. Honestly, I’m lazy. I don’t have it in my to move furniture very often. But I’m ready for a change. I want to move a few things to another room, and eventually even get rid of some of it.

What is the best way to move a piece of furniture, such as a desk, when living alone? I don’t want to have anyone come over special to do it, I want to be able to do it myself. So, I’m looking at long term resolution because I’ll have to do it again in the future.

Any ideas? I was thinking of some kind of platform with wheels of some sort. I don’t necessarily want to buy one right now, since I don’t have the funding for it. At home, what can I use?

With the desk, I’m looking to be able to put one side on the thing with wheels and be able to pull it into the other room. I think I’m going to have to figure out how to make it.

It’s gotten my wheels turning.

What I want to do, since I can’t move, make this place feel like I did. I have been in this apartment for over 8 years now. And it feels grungy to me. I want to deep clean it. And it’s hard because I don’t want to make any one come over special to help me. move things, so if anyone can suggest anything on how to do this without it being physically strenuous, or mental exhausting, that would be great.

I’d love to be able to empty each room, shampoo the rugs several times, vacuum them even more, wash my walls, and just start fresh. One room at a time. That’s the dream anyway.

That’s why I mean grungy. I have lived here for over 8 years, and I didn’t ever make it completely mine. There were roommates that were here and I just want their old energy to be gone once and for all. Start new.

It doesn’t help that I just feel creeped out in my own skin these days, with that creepy neighbor guy. I really don’t like it in my neighborhood right now. I really wish he would just go away. Though I don’t feel fear with him, I feel creepy. 100% creeped out.

On that note, I’m off to start on the bedroom. Any tips, ideas you might have, please share. Thanks for reading.

Last night

Last night was awesome, in so many ways.

First, I have a new friend. She’s awesome, I work with her, and she’s a Death Punch fan, like I’m a Death Punch fan. I think her husband might have been a bit worried in the beginning, but since I didn’t climb any fences, or get arrested, I think it all proved to be okay in the end.

Seriously though, great time. I really enjoyed hanging out with new friends, and listening to music.

We missed Bad Wolves due to confusion thanks to the stupid venue and changing the times of the shows. Was it 6? Was it 7? Well, turned out it was 6. Missed a good part of Nothing More as well. But hey, got nice and settled in by the time 5FDP took the stage.

It was a great show, I mean, they had a few moments where it didn’t sound perfect, but for the love of God, it was AMAZING! I really had a great time, and got a lot of weird looks because I sang most of the songs on top of my lungs. People looked at me because I was singing too loud. I didn’t stop, but still.

It was during “Gone Away” that the rain started though. Utah hasn’t seen rain in such a long time, and for it to start during that song. I remember thinking at the time how cool of the timing to be, and failed to remember what song it was. Thanks to @5FDPChrisKael, he reminded me.

I felt awesome after the show. Though most things I had put into the universe didn’t happen before, or during the show… the most important thing did. I got to see a great show, and sing on top of my lungs.

And afterwards, it was good. The rain. That rain was really amazing to me last night. The timing, the feeling … I really enjoyed the show, more than I thought I would. It was a great release for me on so many levels, and my boys are doing great.

Ivan … really, looks good. Sounds good, and his energy was fantastic. That was wonderful to see and experience.

It was great, the whole night … until the end. When we were sitting in the car, trying to get out of the parking lot, who walks by my car? CREEPY NEIGHBOR GUY! I was creeped out even more than before! EEEWWWW.

My friend invited me in when I dropped them off, but I didn’t stay. I wanted to get home before they did, and get a chance to let Max out before they got home. I did not want to encounter him at all.

And yes, I’d say by the way he was walking, he wasn’t sober last night either.

FYI, I was. I had one Monster. I think of it supporting the sponsor of my band. I really do love me one of the green Monsters from time to time, and when it’s ice cold.. Yeah, baby. I can thank 5FDP for that appreciation too. ShipRocked’s sponsor was Monster, and they put free ones in our room one morning. Been hooked ever since.

I feel free. I feel like I’m finally able to move on. For the first time, in a really long time. about it, because I guess I just feel the way I’m supposed to feel. Like I went to a concert last night. Not like I didn’t get to see the man of my dreams and not talk to him.

The way you’re supposed to feel after going to a concert. It’s been awhile, since I’ve felt this way after seeing 5FDP. It feels good.

Rain and all

That was freaking awesome. Second time it rained while seeing them. Now in the merch line… That was such a great show. 👍

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