A Minute

I think that the main reason I haven’t been here more often as of late, is because this place is a reminder of how foolish Ive been in my life. The bands.

Most recently, I had an experience with a band that I had followed for 26 years. You see, I had been a follower of Jackyl for a long time. I met them years ago, in a parking lot when they were opening for the band Damn Yankees, you know the one with Tommy Shaw and Ted Nugent.

I had only heard one song of theirs before I seen them live. My mom and dad bought me their first release for Christmas that year. Turns out that there was a lot in my life going on at that time, none that I was actually aware of at that time.

I don’t really feel up to sharing that part of my life just yet. I don’t know who even reads this if anyone, and if there are people who knew me in my hometown at that time, really didn’t know about it.

Because of this part, I’m pretty sure that was why I attached myself to that band, and Jeff Worley.

It angers me beyond belief to realize it took me this long to figure out that part. Seeing them this last time, made me realize what sorts of dickheads I wasted way too much time on money on. (Excuse my language, but I’ll tell you why I’m using such language shortly)

I have no regrets where Chris Worley or Roman Glick are concerned. Though I still don’t know Roman, he’s a always been pleasant with me, and he’s a damn good bass player. I love to watch him, he’s entertaining.

Chris. Well, Chris has always been very nice, and real to me. Genuine. Even if he didn’t like me, I never knew that. For that, I’m thankful.

But where the other two are concerned. Wow. Wow. Wow. Talk about thinking they’re all that an then some. Who in the hell do they think that they are? They think that they are rockstars and above us wee folk.

At least that’s how they acted with me.

Talk about disappointing. But I got my peace.

I was surprised that I did it really, but after I did…. Wow, I felt pretty amazing!

I wrote a letter to Chris Worley last week. In this letter, I gave him the pictures I had hoped to give both him and Jeff at the show in April. But I had to go through that damn line, and well, they weren’t given to him. I went through the other pictures I had, and found a pile to send along, because I realized… I don’t want to remember that crap anymore. I ripped up a lot of them, but I thought Chris would at least appreciate looking at them. Pictures of Virgil when they did Super V at McPs in Clemson.

I told him this is how I wanted to remember this chapter. I don’t want to remember all the time I wasted on Jackyl. I wanted to remember Super V. I also reminded him that out of all the shows that I’d been to, I had paid for all of those shows. And the fact that I couldn’t get five minutes… well, I needed him to let his brother know that his behavior was …. well, pretty disgusting in my opinion. Jesse’s too. I had $58 to my name that morning, for a week and a half, and I spent $34 on that ticket. I didn’t have any money for merchandise. And to be IGNORED because of that fact. Acted like he didn’t even see me, SCREW YOU JESSE DUPREE.

Anyway, also the best part of this letter was… I sent Jeff’s book back with the letter, and stated maybe Jeff could get a few bucks back for resale because it’s worthless to me now.

I went and mailed it out that day. And I smiled when I dropped it in the box. I did not realize how good that would make me feel. It was amazing to tell someone how much of an asshole they really were, without actually saying those exact words.

Wow. I realized that he really did think he was that great, but … wow, dude, Jeff….. you wouldn’t be anything without the people who pay for your tickets. You seemed to have forgotten that, Mr. Freaking ROCKSTAR.

I sent it to Jeff’s painting studio or whatever it is. he’s got paintings on sale on that website anyway. Uh, let’s just say, I wouldn’t pay for any of those. People will pay for them though because of that rockstar billing behind it. Someone needs to remind him where he started.

As for Jesse, I’ve got one word. Douchebag.

Then there’s the whole 5FDP obsession thing. Wow.. That was scary. I really didn’t see it as a problem. But I can tell you the exact moment I realized what it was. When Ivan got his head and face tattoos. I realized what he’s doing, and well, I didn’t want to watch it. I don’t want to see what’s going on in his life. Any of their lives. Because it doesn’t make me fell any better seeing such stupidity. *Sorry but that head tattoo was a breaking point. Stop with the tattoos, man. You’ve just turned one problem into another one, and well, you look like an idiot.

Just my opinion. But you do. Red Dragon, what in the hell were you thinking?

I actually unfollowed them all on that day. I really don’t want to know anything. I dont’ want to give them anymore of my money if that’s what they’re going to do with what we give them.

However, they have song on that new album, “And Justice for None”.

If it doesn’t automatically come up, please click on it. It’s a song called I Refuse. It’s also a lyric video that goes along with the music, and I will tell you that every album they have one that is just perfect for me. Singing along with the words encourages me. For that, I will always be grateful for that band. Thank you Five Finger Death Punch. Together, you have gotten me through a lot of shit. Thank you.

And you always help with my courage. I’m braver because of the music you play. Thank you.

And Jason Hook sounds so wonderful in the middle of the song… that acoustic…

Jason still makes my heart skip a beat, but I’m a realist. More than I’ve ever been before.

It’s over

The move is over, and I”m in my new apartment. For the most part, everything is better. Except the water heater. That’s on it’s way out, and … I love how the front office has no trust in what I have to say about it. I told them what needed to be looked at, and it became way bigger than they needed it to be. I have a dog, these guys don’t like to go into a place without the owner being here when there’s a dog. Plain and simple, I told them Saturday. I can’t take time off from work for this, since I did that last week for the move itself.

Several days notice, and she makes it a big deal that I asked for Saturday. *well, in my eyes, she made it a big deal. They need to run the water, to see how hot it gets and stays. That’s all, it’s not like there’s a spare water heater sitting in the storage shed. That’s not the way these things work.

But so far, that’s the worst case scenario I’ve dealt with. One of the old neighbors has already been over several times, doing the same thing that he’s always done. Scrounge for cigarettes. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT ON MY PORCH. He doesn’t realize that he’s not finding any for a reason. I’m not keen on this creepy behavior. Wouldn’t you think that if you’re doing that sort of thing, maybe it’s time to think about quitting. I’m not here to support anyone’s habits.

What bothers me, is his expenses are split in half. He lives with a roommate. I DO NOT. So, why do they think that this is okay? I don’t care what I leave in the ashtray, that’s my prerogative. I can leave anything in there I want. Or at least I used to.

I really don’t understand where people get this mindset that this sort of thing is okay. What makes them think that it’s okay to rummage around on someone else’s porch? Need a cigarette? Get a damn job. Do what the rest of us are doing. Working for a living.

I do this all by myself. I don’t get help from anyone, so to see people do this sort of thing, drives me NUTS. I don’t mind sharing, that’s a different story. This is being creepy. That’s the only word that comes to mind. CREEPY.

Seriously, it could be him. Just add hair. What really bothers me lately, is that these people (creepy neighbor with others in the area), don’t see what they are doing to other people. The same guy knocked on another neighbors door to buy cigarettes that were sitting on her porch. WHILE SHE WAS IN HER APARTMENT. Why is he even looking at her porch?

He’s also an alcoholic that has no desire to give up that poison. It’s okay for one or two, but he goes through a half gallon of cheap vodka every two days. That’s why he can’t afford his cigarettes.

Am I wrong for wanting these sorts of people to just leave me alone? I’m not their mother. I’m not even a friend. Friends are different. If he was my friend, he wouldn’t creep me out the way he does.

Alcoholics though. The ones I’ve come to know… are still in denial. When people. are in that state of mind, there’s nothing that can be done. And after awhile, it’s easy to give up because if people don’t want to fix themselves, no one else can do it.

As I get older, I’m finding that I have less and less room for people like that. I work hard to make myself better every day, so I really don’t have the patience for people who don’t work, and depend on others to fix their problems.

With that being said, I’ve come to a few solutions on a few of my own problems. I’ve come to realize that 26 years of following a band means absolutely nothing when I’ve given a lot of time and energy. Not to mention, a lot of money. In 26 years, I’ve seen this band over 60 times. Out of all of those times, I paid for all but three shows. 1 was free, one was a guest line in 1992, and the other was a dare if we showed up in Kentucky. Other than that, every ticket to enter was PAID FOR.

So, when I went to shake the lead singer’s hand, and he acted like no one was standing in front of him, I made my decision. FUCK YOU JESSE DUPREE.

Sorry for the blunt language, but I didn’t deserve what I got from him. I had $58 in my bank account that day, and I spent $34 to get a ticket to get in to that damn show, and BECAUSE I DIDN’T BUY ADDITIONAL MERCHANDISE, he pretended I didn’t even exist.

I have to say, I have an issue with that.

And then I had also asked Jeff to talk for a few minutes, so I wouldn’t have to go through that damn line in the first place, he ignored me. I was there at 10 am, and offered to help out if needed. I didn’t get a call, that’s fine. But… I did what I could. And I still got blown off.

Five minutes. That’s all I asked for. It didn’t even need to be five minutes. I’d have been happy with 2. But I didn’t get anything, and I ended up having to go through that damn line to get my book signed.

I’ve been stupid for far too long in my life. I do this, thinking that I’m going to be given common courtesy. Out of respect of 26 years. But I know that they don’t owe me anything, I just thought being a person would be on my side.

I’ve never done anything to them. NOTHING. I’ve never given reason to be scared of me, or worry that I’m going to do something stupid. I’ve been nothing but genuinely sincere, It just hurts when I realize again, it’s wasted on people that just don’t care who they treat this way. They’re in a band, they’re rock stars.

But to quote their own lyrics, “I shit like you do.” I stand Alone is the song.

I think … that they may have forgotten where they came from. That’s sad. Because I genuinely cared. I thought I did. Didn’t realize it would only bite me in the ass.

Looking at them, I realize that I never thought of them as rock stars. To me, Jackyl was never that great of a band, though they have improved with age. It was about Chris and Jeff, and in the beginning Jimmy and Tom. Chris, Jeff and Roman are great musicians, and Jesse is a good entertainer, but again… as I’ve learned before, if I can’t respect you as a person, I just can’t respect you. (Chris and Roman were wonderful to me, and Jeff was when he seen me, but … )

I’d like to say that I’d never go see them again, blah blah blah, all the stuff that I have said so many times before… but I don’t know. I cave. I went this time because I went without anyone. I met my friend Lisa there, she actually bought the ticket that made that show a sold out show. I was able to just relax and have a great time because there wasn’t any expectations.

I’m never going to ask anyone to spend another dime. The one thing I was going to get, the Super V cd that Chris and Jeff were involved in, from Jeff. I found it on Amazon. I’d rather give them my money and they can figure it out. Amazon makes me feel better anyway.